anonymous to protect the innocent <g>
Dear Valued Employee,
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals have been using foul language in the course of normal conversation between employees. Due to complaints from some of the more easily offended workers, this conduct will no longer be tolerated!
The management does however realize the importance of each person being able to express their feelings when communicating with their fellow workers. Therefore, management has compiled the following coded list.
Please review and refer to the Proper "New Phrase" when necessary.
New Phrase: I'm not certain that's feasible.
Old Phrase: No f**king way.
New Phrase: Really?
Old Phrase: You've got to be sh*tting me.
New Phrase: Perhaps you should check with...[insert name here]
Old Phrase: Tell someone who gives a rat's *ss.
New Phrase: Of course I'm concerned.
Old Phrase: Ask me if I give a sh*t.
New Phrase: I was not involved with that project.
Old Phrase: It's not my f**king problem.
New Phrase: Interesting behavior...
Old Phrase: What the h*ll?
New Phrase: Perhaps I can work late.
Old Phrase: When the f**k do they expect me to do this?
New Phrase: He's not familiar with this problem.
Old Phrase: He's got his head up his *ss.
New Phrase: You don't say.
Old Phrase: Eat sh*t.
New Phrase: Excuse me?
Old Phrase: Eat sh*t and die.
New Phrase: Excuse me, sir?
Old Phrase: Eat sh*t and die, motherf**ker.
New Phrase: They weren't happy with it?
Old Phrase: What the f**k do they want from me?
New Phrase: So you would like some help?
Old Phrase: Kiss my *ss.
New Phrase: I love a challenge.
Old Phrase: This job s*cks.
New Phrase: You want me to take care of this?
Old Phrase: Who died and left you boss?
New Phrase: I see...
Old Phrase: Blow me.